Ways to Kill the Lonely Bug

Now that you’lonelyve decided to walk away from the dead-end relationship and into the future of freedom that God has destined for you, what will you do with your time to make sure you stay free? It can be very tempting to go back to the bad relationship you got delivered from or to find another one equally as bad when the thought of being alone hits or when the lonely bug bites. The truth is, you’re never alone, but I know it can sure feel like it, especially on a Friday night when you’re all dressed up with no where to go or no one to take you. The key to overcoming those trying times is to develop a strategy for success. As in any situation, if you fail to plan you plan to fail, so here are a few ways to kill that nasty lonely bug and keep it from infesting your life.

1. Volunteer your time and talents at your local church. Effective church work and growth requires many many many people putting their hands to the plow. Your hands are no exception. Tending to God’s business will cause Him to tend to yours, and that’s just what you want in your future relationships–God’s direct involvement. It will also keep you focused on what matters most, which is advancing the kingdom and bringing glory to His name. You will be offering back to Him the gifts that He’s given you and at the same time being a blessing to someone else. Everybody wins: you, your church, and those who are touched by the work you do. How do you win? You win because you get to do something meaningful and rewarding with your time, and you get to focus your attention on something other than the lack of a physical man in your life.

2. Join a gym and get that body into shape. Once you get past the initial pain of beginning a workout regiment, it can become a healthy addiction. It can take up a lot of your time (if you’re consistent, and it’s good for you. Looking good and feeling great are two plusses in the anti-loneliness equation. Plus, all that new confidence that comes with building a better, stronger body will ooze out of your pores. Your future husband will enjoy it too! I’m just sayin’

3. Go back to school or take a class to learn a new skill. If going back to school is something you’ve thought about before, now is the time to do it. Not only will it take your mind off being single with the work involved, it will help to improve you. More knowledge, more pride from an awesome accomplishment, more money in some cases, and more to talk about with any potential dates that may come your way.

I could name so many others like study your Bible, spend quality time with your loved ones, join a service organization or anything that you’ve always wanted to do but never took the time to do because you were busy maintaining a dead-end relationship. The point is, this is your time to be the woman God wants you to be. Become the good thing that your future husband will find and want to marry. Remember that life is not about getting married. Rather, the key to living a good life is living in the will and peace of God. That’s easier to do if you know the will of God and that His peace surpasses all understanding. He wants you to be at peace, no matter what your relationship status is. So while you wait on God to move on your behalf, develop your strategy to successfully navigate your single journey by filling your life with good things, and exterminate those pesky lonely bugs for good.

Based on chapter 7 of “Wait on God: What Every Single Woman Should Know to Receive God’s Best!” To purchase a copy visit http://www.BrianaGWhitaker.com, Amazon.com, or the iBooks store.

Discover Your Sweetie’s Personality Style–Part 4

High C

Learning about others is important, but learning about yourself is priceless. So I’ve been enlightened, to say the least, in discovering my own personality style, which is High C. I’d like to think we High C’s are pretty unique in our nature. If you know me, you might say I’m a bit quirky also, but how boring would this world be if we were all the same, right? To be classed with the likes of Bill Gates and Albert Einstein is pretty awesome. If I had Bill Gates’ fortune and Einstein’s genius I’d be good to go. I don’t know how I feel about being classed with Condi though. I’ve always seen her as kind of stuffy and a bit of a prude. I’m not like that. Am I? (I wish you could see my eyes darting back and forth as I ponder this).

Words that describe us are cautious, competent, conscientious, contemplative, careful, and calculating. We have a tendency to be curious, inventive, intellectual and rational. We like to finish what we start. We can also be perfectionists, prone to liking organization and routine, and can have difficulty making decisions. Everything on this list describes me to a tee, except the organization part. l like organization, but I am not an organized person. Is that even possible? One ride in my car will reveal that it is.

As for what motivates us, our secret fuel is quality answers, good value, and being right. Now let me explain the last one. I don’t always have to be right (but it does feel good when I am), but I like doing the right thing. It is also important to me that anything I’m involved in be right as in morally, ethically, and legally proper. By nature, I’m not a rule breaker. Nor am I perfect by a long shot, but I do try to stay safely in the parameters that are provided me by those who are in charge. Also know that if we don’t get our way, we become critical and our character flaw is analysis paralysis. Here’s what you can do to help your High C significant other.

1. Provide quality answers to our questions. Men, women in general like to talk and pick your brains about things, but this habit is amplified in a High C woman. You will have to oblige us if you want to keep the peace and avoid the rant. Case in point…my husband was upset with me once for being late for an engagement, and I didn’t even realize it. I like to do things right, but the area of punctuality needs improvement. Anyway, he didn’t want to tell me what I had done to upset him, so when I asked him what was wrong his response was “nothing.” I could tell by the way he was ignoring me that he was lying, and I was not satisfied. So, I kept asking until I got tired. We had to come up with a compromise for future disagreements that if he did not want to talk at the moment, he had to promise that we’d talk later. That, I could live with.

2. Encourage us to see the big picture. High C’s get stuck in the details, asking tons of questions about the process before beginning anything. Hence, analysis paralysis. I went through a brief period before I finished writing my book that I contemplated all the details: who would publish, how would I pay for it, when would it be done, what if people don’t like it? Yada yada yada. Someone encouraged me to push past the fear and step out on faith. I did, and everything just fell into place. I’m so thankful for those who help me move forward, and your High C will be too.

3. Provide gentle correction. Gentle correction is all we need to get us back on track. It’s probably because we like to do things right anyway. When I was little my mom never had to do much scolding. I can count on one hand how many spankings I got as a child. A hard look or a good talking to always did the trick. So, no need for harsh words or criticism. The High C in your life will appreciate the gentle correction and take it as love.

4. Value our attention to detail and tasks. Details are important because they are the building blocks of everything. Us high C’s want everything we’re involved in to go off without a hitch, so we spend time attending to the construction of those blocks. If you’ve ever attended a well organized event that flowed, you’d better believe there was a High C on the planning committee. The level of quality that comes from careful planning and a desire for excellence should be appreciated, not regarded as anal. Tell him or her how much you appreciate it.

5. Encourage empathy. Excessive attention to details can, in some cases, cause one to be insensitive to the needs of others. High C’s sometimes need to be reminded about people when we get stuck in our focus bubbles. My husband gives me a sensitivity check just when I need it. He knows me so well.

6. Recognize our need for routine and guidelines. High C’s need order in our lives. When order is missing, it just does something to us. We like to know where we’re going and how to get there. Again, it’s all about those details. As for date suggestions, let your High C be a part of the planning. Don’t keep her completely in the dark about the plans. If she’s like me, she won’t be able to handle a complete surprise. For example allow her to give you three suggestions of things she’d like to do. Then you choose one of the three ideas. You already know she’ll be happy because it was her idea and because she feels some level of control and order.

Now, it’s important to note that not everyone is limited to one personality style. We are all blends of personalities. I can see myself fitting in with different aspects of the other personality styles also, but make no mistake I am a High C and proud of it! If you are a High C right along with me, feel free to let me know if I nailed it or NOT. I’d also like to know if this information has helped to enlighten or inspire you in your relationships. I welcome your comments.

Discover Your Sweetie’s Personality Style

high dMy husband and I get along great. We rarely argue and we laugh a lot together, but there are times when I just don’t get him. Truth be told, there are times when he does things that drive me absolutely nuts, and I oftentimes return the favor. For example, I don’t get why he jokes around so much when I’m being serious, and he doesn’t get why I ask him the same questions over and over again until I get a satisfactory answer. Talk about things that make you go hmmm… Well now I have an idea why, and it involves our differing personalities.

Recently I had a very eye opening experience at a professional conference that gave me a better understanding on not only my husband, but also on some other very important people in my life (ie. mother and best friend.) I learned what makes them tick. You might be saying that this is something I should already know, having been around them for years, but sometimes the tendencies of others near and dear to us have a way of remaining a mystery after years of time spent together and eluding even the most perceptive of people. The light bulb clicked on for me when I learned the four personality styles according to the DISC profile–a personal assessment tool used to improve work productivity, teamwork, and communication. And since February is the time set aside to celebrate love and relationships, I thought I’d share them in these next series of posts to help you better relate with your mate or anybody else with whom you just can’t seem to communicate.

The first personality style is the High D personality, which I will refer to as simply the High D. This person is dominant, direct, demanding, decisive, determined, and a doer. The High D tends to be high in energy, busy and productive, strong-willed and persistent. Basically, these people take charge, and if they don’t get what they want they get mad. Their blind spot, or personality flaw is that they can be quite bossy (as if you couldn’t tell). Know anybody like this? I sure do, and since I am the total opposite of this, I found myself wondering why the High D in my life was this way. You may be wondering this also, but here are a few strategies to help you deal with the High D in your life.

1. Remain cool and calm and avoid power struggles. This may be difficult to do (especially if you’re a High D yourself), but trust me, going at it tit for tat will not work out in your favor with this one. It would be to your advantage to try an alternate route to get your point across like agreeing to disagree or restating your point to sound less confrontational.

2. Be consistent and fair. The key word is consistency. If you’re not consistent with them or fail to keep your word, prepare to be dismissed. Now that I think about it, I’ve heard my High D person complain about the inconsistent folk in her life on several occasions. I guess because they’re so consistent themselves, it’s kind of difficult to deal with those who aren’t.

3. Be direct and to the point. Don’t go beating around the bush with them. They won’t waste time beating around the bush with you. If you have something to say, say it. They are too dominant to be intimidated by your opinion. They might actually appreciate your use of backbone.

4. Remember that their secret fuel is getting results. Score! If you can keep this in mind, it will make your life and relationship much easier. All the High D wants to know is that results are being achieved and progress is being made. Do that and they’re happy. Don’t do that and they’re pissed, to put it nicely. 😉

Now I don’t want anyone thinking that I am dissing the High D’s out there. I actually admire some of these character traits and wish I had more of them myself like the ability to be more direct and decisive. (If you’ve ever gone to a restaurant with me you’d know why). It’s also very cool that High D’s make great leaders who lead from the front. Having said that, here’s a word of caution for men who are married to High D women: you are still the man of the house who is responsible for leading the family. Deep down inside, your woman wants you to take charge. Again, it is very important to her that she see the results of your leadership. If she doesn’t see any results, she very well may try to take over. I’m not saying that she should take over, I’m just saying that her personality may cause her to try to in the absence of a stronger leader. If you’re a High D woman married to a non-High D man, realize that your man may resent your bossiness and make the necessary adjustments to get the love you want and still show love and respect to him in return.

If your personality type is High D, feel free to let me know if I’ve nailed it or not. I welcome your feedback. Tomorrow I will share the High I personality with you, so stay tuned.

Certainty

Not much is certain;certainty

Not the call after the date
Not the reciprocity of feelings
Not the new guy you considered a prospective mate.

Not the ring
Not the happy ending
Not the promise to be his one and only

Not the check in the mail
Not the weather
Not the price of gas
Not the state of racial affairs
Not the stock market
Not job security
Not the next 20 years, 2 weeks, 2 hours, 2 days, 2 minutes or 2 seconds.

But one thing is certain:
There is a God who cares about everything we face
Who wants to supply all our needs
Who wants to hold us, love us, and spend time with us
Who wants to paint a rainbow after your storm
Who wants us to know that He never changes;
that His mind toward us is evident in His Word
that we are His beloved.

Now should we trust in a God like that–certainly!

Ending a Dead-End Relationship

Deep down in you????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????r heart you know when a dating relationship isn’t going anywhere good. You know that with things being the way they are, marrying him would not be a good idea, so neither is dating him. He may not treat you with the respect you deserve. He may not take care of his children like he should. He may be jealous to a point of being violent or oppressive or he may cheat on you. He may not have any intentions on making you His wife. Either way it goes, you don’t deserve to be treated that way, and you know it. So, why put up with that?

Could it be because he’s the father of your children, he makes you happy physically, or you just fear being alone? Let me take a moment to speak to the princess in you. NONE of these are reasons to subject yourself to mistreatment. YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT! That is not the love God intends for you to have, so don’t settle for it. Instead, wait on God and allow Him to orchestrate your love life.  I know it won’t be easy because by now, this is what you’re accustomed to and how you think love is supposed to work, but there is a better way. God’s way. So, how can you walk away from a dead-end relationship?

1. Realize you’re worth more than that. Don’t you know that Jesus paid for you with His life? That is a pretty high price. Don’t you know that you are a daughter of THE KING? A king’s kid has access to the best of everything. Although it may seem like your options are limited, know that they are only limited by a lack of faith and an unwillingness to do things His way. Even a natural king expects his children to obey Him. The King of Kings is no different. He wants you to see just how precious you are in His eyes, and He longs to take care of you, to meet your every need and fulfill your every desire, according to His will of course. When you realize that He is your provider in every area, you will realize that you don’t need a natural man, especially one who fails to treat you with the same love and care that your Heavenly Father does, to do it.

2. Allow God to lead you. Many times God’s directions are the most uncomfortable to follow, especially when we first begin to follow. But the more you do, the easier it becomes because you learn that He is a trustworthy guide who makes no mistakes. He knows where He wants you to be, in His will. So if you sense that God is leading you away from a bad relationship, don’t resist. It is for your good. No matter how much you think you know what you need, nobody knows that better than the one who created you. Warning though: don’t expect for God to lay out the complete road map before you. If He did, He knows that we might still try to get ahead of Him and end up making a mess of things. What He desires is for you to seek Him daily in prayer, worship, and the study of scripture so that you can receive His instructions about your life. If you don’t know how to go about breaking things off, He will guide you in that also. All you need to do is ask. Then and only then will you be sure that you are on the path that He has predestined for you. Submit to His way, and you will prosper.

3. Trust God to keep you. If you think that you will not be able to make it without that man in your life, abandon that thinking.  It is a lie! God is a keeper, and He will keep or preserve whatever you commit to Him (2 Timothy 1:12) including yourself. He will keep your mind whole when it tries to tell you you can’t stand to be alone. He will keep your body whole when it tries to tell you that you need a man to gratify it’s desires. He will keep your spirit whole when it needs to be strengthened against Satan’s temptations. He is your source, and He will be all that you need Him to be if you allow Him the opportunity.

4. Have the courage to let go and let God. Any decision you make to live for God and follow His commands takes courage. Why? Because it goes totally against what the world reinforces. It can be hard to take the road less traveled, but I’ve found that road to be much more pleasurable and a lot less troublesome to travel. God does the steering while I enjoy the ride. Sure, it may seem lonely at times, but you are never alone in this walk with God and you don’t need a physical man in your life to prove it. Your willingness to let the dead-end relationship go is a bold sign that you believe you are worth more than what you have been allowing. It is a bold sign that you trust God to lead you and keep you. And it is a bold sign that you are tired of taking Satan’s mess and ready to receive God’s best! It is a bold sign that you are on the way to a new beginning.

Based on Chapter 9 of “Wait on God: What Every Single Woman Should Know to Receive God’s Best!”

“Wait on God” Testimonials

Wait On God Cover (1)Here’s what a few people are saying about my book “Wait on God: What Every Single Woman Should Know to Receive God’s Best!” If you’d like to obtain your copy, take advantage of the discounted pre-order price of $10. Visit http://www.BrianaGWhitaker.com for details. I pray that it blesses you!

“I can’t praise this book highly enough! It’s well-written, enjoyable to read and full of wisdom. It’s relevant for any age and I plan to get some for my younger relatives.” – Lisa Thomson, Graphic Designer

“Wait on God” is a must-read for single women of any age. Instead of being just another “how-to” or self-improvement book, this devotional translates Biblical teachings into practical tips (including faith confessions and meditation) for dating the right way. Applying the principles in this book will help you turn your waiting period into a time of preparation.” Caleisha Stuckey, Esq.

“I want to say how much I LOVE this book! I was speaking with another woman the other day who is on her fifth marriage. She is finally where she believes God wants her to be with the man in her life, but it took her four attempts to get there. Mostly, she undervalued her worth and was so desperate for love that she couldn’t focus on anything else. So many, many woman have this same story and I hear it all the time. Your book is a wonderful resource for the single woman to help her stop, take a breath, and truly focus on what matters and what is real. I’m so honored to be associated with this work.” Written by Hanne Moon, Publisher

 

“Wait on God” is Now Available!

3D_reduced image Wait on GodMy book “Wait on God: What Every Single Woman Should Know to Receive God’s Best” is now available for pre-sale at bit.ly/WaitOnGodBook or http://www.facebook.com/BrianaGWhitaker. For the first 100 people it will be available for only $10! Regular purchase price is $14.95. Get yours now!

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