Relinquishing Control this Holiday Season

I canA man with a gift. be somewhat of a control freak at times, especially when it comes to receiving gifts. It may be because I like to buy gifts for people that I know they will love, so I ask them what they want. Maybe it’s because I also want to love the gifts I receive, so I tell people what I want. It could be that growing up an only child has caused me to expect exactly what I want and be disappointed if I don’t get it. Perhaps I have a Janet Jackson complex and just like the idea of controlling the situation. This is true with surprise parties also.  If there is a party being planned for me, I like to know all the details. Surprises just leave me feeling vulnerable because I don’t know what I should wear to said party or who will be there. It’s ridiculous, I know. So this year I am going to work on changing that.

Usually I give the people closest to me a list of items that I’d like to have for my birthday and Christmas. You know, to make their shopping easier. (Who am I fooling?) Or I just opt for cash so I can go buy what I like. But I’ve put away that list in favor of actually being surprised for a change. I’m going to go with the flow, and appreciate whatever gifts I receive. My first test will be in two days when I will celebrate my 34th birthday. My husband has asked me several times what I want (he’s used to my ways, and I think he secretly likes it so he won’t have to think too hard about making plans), but all I have said is “It’s up to you, sweetie. Whatever you do, I’m sure I’ll love.” And I know I will, as long as he puts real effort into it. (Here I go again putting conditions on it) As you can see, it hasn’t been easy to just let him plan on his own. I have asked him on at least two occasions about his plans for my birthday, whether or not he has made plans, and what I should wear.  He refused to tell me, but I’m glad. How else will the cycle of control be broken? In the meantime I have two days (feels more like 22 days) to wait and see what surprises are in store for me. I’ll let you know how it goes. 🙂

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