How Long is Too Long to Date? Part 3

the one

Selah. Pause and calmly think about that.

Good day, folks!  It’s time to continue exploring reasons why some couples put wedding plans off into the distant future.  I hope you are having as much fun reading this as I am having writing it.

Myth # 3:  I’m need proof that he/she is “THE ONE.”

I totally understand the importance of being confident in your choice for a spouse.  Marriage isn’t something to be entered into lightly, and you should get to know the person you are dating.  But here’s the kicker…you will never know all there is to know about a person just by dating them. As much as people say they are keeping it real while dating, for the most part they are still putting their best faces forward. There are certain things that you can only learn through a marriage relationship. Now wait a minute.  I feel the need to restate that I am addressing Christians who have a desire to do things God’s way.  Therefore, shacking and common law situations are NOT an option for those individuals, according to God’s holy ordinances. At some point you’ve got to believe that the information you’ve gathered through dating is enough and trust God with the rest.

Now for those who need proof that you are with the right one, my question to you is what kind of sign are you waiting for after years and years of dating? Are you waiting for a supernatural experience from God like a dream, a prophesy, or a burning bush experience? Are you waiting on a certain feeling or emotion to just overtake you? Are you waiting for the things you don’t like about the person to change? Are you waiting on a particular person you’ve been hiding in your back pocket to make a move so you know what your next one should be?  Let me share this bit of wisdom with you.  First, God does not always speak through dreams or prophecies.  Actually, He most often speaks through His Word and through your spirit in the form of a “knowing” and a still small voice that you have to be sensitive enough spiritually to perceive. Second, I wouldn’t put too much stock in feelings because they change, and because “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9) It’s not safe to base your life decisions on a false witness. Also, faith and feelings don’t line up. We are instructed to walk by faith, not by sight or our senses (2 Corinthians 5:7). It takes faith to marry and stay married, no matter who you choose. Thirdly, what you see is what you get.  Expecting a person to change for you is futile. Change can only occur with the aid of the Holy Ghost, but a person has to want the change.  You wanting it for them is not enough. Fourth, if you have a backup plan that includes another person in case things with your current relationship don’t pan out, your motives were wrong to begin with.  It is impossible to build a loving relationship if your heart isn’t all in.  In either of those cases, you’ve got to figure out from whence cometh your indecision.

If it comes from a valid place where there are valid concerns that need addressing, that’s cool.  But what’s not cool is playing the string game with the person you are dating.  That’s the game where you string them along with their emotions dragging behind you while you decide what you want to do. I played this game once during my dating years, not because I was trying to be cruel but because I could not come to terms with my own conflicting emotions.  I didn’t want to lose out on a great person, but I also knew that I wasn’t as into him as he was into me.  It wasn’t fair for me to make him wait on me to make up my mind when he already knew what he wanted.  So once I realized what was happening, I put the relationship on hold until I could figure some things out. That much needed space helped me put things into perspective and allowed him the opportunity to find the love he really deserved with someone else. Am I saying that everyone should do this?  Not at all.  I am suggesting that if you have reservations about your relationship that you work on finding out why instead of continuing to date aimlessly.

IJS

What are your thoughts?  Challenges of thought are welcomed too. 🙂 By the way, be on the lookout for Part 4 in tomorrow’s post.

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