How Long is Too Long to Date? Part 1

dating-tips-1You’ve heard people say it before and you’ve probably said it yourself a time or two. “What are they waiting on to get married?” It happens.  You see a couple who have been together for a while who look happy and are in a reasonably good position to be married (ie. age, maturity, and resources) you can’t help but to wonder, why the delay.  Truthfully, it’s really none of our business when the nuptials will occur, but it does lead one, (particularly me) to ask, what is a reasonable amount of time for a Christian to spend dating before the I-do’s are exchanged? I’ve heard of people dating for five and ten years before, and I always find it hard to wrap my head around spending that amount of time with someone without a solid commitment.  Again, I’m talking about two Christian people whose lives are committed to serving Christ and want to do things His way. Even the most devout believer will have to deal with their flesh wanting to rebel at some point when things are dragged on for too long (unless you live on opposite ends of the planet) or are not physically attracted to each other (in which case, why be in the relationship?)  Sure, they can overcome those temptations, but is it wise for them to put themselves through that pressure when there’s really no need to?  I realized this when I was planning my wedding and deciding on a date. I had chosen a date already, but was asked to push the date back a few months to accommodate some of my guests. I wanted them to be there, but I wanted to please God more. I knew that the longer I waited the harder “waiting” would be.  So I decided not to take that chance since there really was no need to. I do not have any definitive answers to the question posed in my title, but what I want to explore here in this series of posts are a few of the reasons some couples decide to extend the dating experience maybe a little longer then necessary, which I call dating myths, and debunk them with some good Biblical wisdom and real-life experience.

Myth #1: I don’t have enough money to get married.

This may also be stated as “I have to achieve a certain level of success financially before I get married.”  Granted, having a surplus of money is very helpful when it comes to starting a life together, but it is not a prerequisite to a successful marriage.  I know because I consider my marriage to be a success, and there was no nest egg set aside for either of us. We have been climbing the ladder of success and financial prosperity together.  We did have to deal with this particular myth though.  My then boyfriend, Russell, thought he needed to have more money before he proposed to me, but he admitted to me that every time he tried to save money toward our future life together, something would “come up”. And I’d venture to say that things would continue to “come up” just to delay things even longer.  Preparation is important, but I don’t believe that you will ever be 100% prepared for all the responsibilities of marriage, especially if you’ve never been married.  More importantly, when your goal is to do things God’s way, your adversary the devil, whose job it is to steal, kill, and destroy, will do everything he can to steal your peace, kill your faith, and destroy your holy testimony (John 10:10). Want to know how God proved this myth to be false for us?  Well, once Russell moved in faith and proposed to me, the favor started pouring in.  We were able to plan an entire wedding, reception, and honeymoon in four short months with no financial burden because everything was paid for in full with money left over. That’s right. God’s promise was applied to our wedding plans. “The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it” (Proverbs 10:22 KJV) And He will do the same for you if you step out on faith and refuse to let your savings be your excuse.


Let me know your thoughts, and be on the lookout for dating myth # 2 in my next post.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Russell Whitaker
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 06:43:07

    Yes trust in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart . Thoughtfully and well written mrs. Whitaker


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